we have moved

projectmaya has now moved to typepad. just clickie on this text anywhere and you will be magically transported to my new site. please visit me. i am lonely. also if you have me on the rss thingee, can change also.

projectmaya moves

projectmaya has now moved to typepad. just clickie on this text anywhere and you will be magically transported to my new site. please visit me. i am lonely.

moving soon

i am currently attempting to move my blog to typedpad. so maybe no post for a day or tow. yeah like it matters. i did not even post for ages and never gave a reason. anyway, i shoudl be doing my work. see you soon

trumpets* are meant to be blown

* trumpet sponsored by velle

between a rock and a hard place

above is a picture of a rock. why a picture of a rock you say?

well well, let me tell you. this is no ordinary rock. its a special rock. its a rock that some son of a rancid harlot, whose wrinkled member i pray contracts necrotizing fasciitis and whose children i hope turn out to be scatological necrobestialiac junkies, threw through my window at home. thats right, through my window. breaking the window and showering me with broken glass. oh what i could do to you with a baseball bat only patrick bateman could imagine.

so this wonderful glass downpour culminated the amazing string of badluck i have had recently.

another piece of badluck. i am no longer that sure abput my relationship with apple. i have been a huge fan of apple for the past year after i made the switch. i have recommended it to many friends and students. i dont think i will do that anymore. and here's why.

i dropped my lappy. far enough, thats my bad. it was connected to the internet via the ethernet port. and that broke the ethernet port. its buggered. so far still my bad. first no one could actually tell me how much it would cost to repair. finally when i got a figure a number, i thought of just leaving my lappy at the apple center and walking away.

lets just think about this.
+ a new ibook 14" 1.3 GHz is A$ 2,049.00 [education price is A$1,843.60].
+ Mine is a 14" 933 MHz about a year old and with the extra RAM and extreme wireless card total cost was ard $2300.
+ to repair the ethernet port it will cost A$1900.

yes, that is right. it will cost more to repair the lappy than to buy a new one. what kind of fucking bullshit is that! are you telling me that apple has so poorly designed the ibook that a broken ethernet port requires the entire logic board to be changed. and for some fucking reason, the logic board costs more than a new lappy. so one component actually costs more than the entire lappy!

hey apple - get fucked.

wooah.. i am so steamed all over again about this.

and finally, another piece of bad luck. i got back to melbourne 20 jan 2005. i came into my office to say wassup to all and then took a few days off. and then it happened. i feel sick like a mofo. i had the flu which developed into a lung infection which then reverted into the flu again and then lung infection again. fucking peachy eh? in between, i had migraines and sore thoarts just for the occasionaly variety. while the doing fuckall was nice, it wasted a lot of my time and i was just so worn out all the time. i was so tired that the doctor for a while considered that i may have CFS [chronic fatigue syndrome]. fuck that. in the end, i decided i had enough and spent three whole days cleaning my backyard and room, going trainspotting through new shopping complexes. and fuck me sideways but i am feeling much better. it could be the that or maybe the horse doses of antibiotics.

whatever. i am on my feet and ready to rock the casbah. watch out world, i am coming.

No More Feckin About, Baby

Don't say you weren't warned, Terry Johal dot com. It's been a month now so the threatened coup of Project Maya is becoming a reality. Don't think we wanted it to end this way. If you had've just heeded the calls to action it all could have worked out so differently. For the sake of the blog, I've been called in to take some rather extreme action. Haven't had a job in Australia for sometime, not since the DAA called me in to plug a leak, so to speak, what? Mid nineties. Boom times in my industry. But the market ain't what it used to be. So my numbers guy has been at me to diversify, roll with it, adapt to the territory, I Ching and all that. Whatever. He heard about this girl, a call girl, London, who signed a book deal, based on her "weblog". I'm like, whatever. He's like, there's this job... unusual. I'm like, just give me a warm body, and an arsenal, baby. He's like, this is a killer contract, but mostly literary in nature. Honey, he says, you could use the coin. So here I am, in the city of eternal winter. Touched down late last night. As per my instructions, my transport of choice awaited, and what with the jet lag and my predilection for insomnia, I thought I'd cut to the chase. Plugged in some tunes. Wall to wall sound as I roared through the deserted city streets on my she-cat. Destination, RMIT, downtown Melbourne. That's right, baby. Hacked the mainframe and extracted the info, hitting you right where you least expected it. Brazen, certainly. Dangerous, perhaps. Honey, you really need to clean up that desk. So what's a mystery white girl, a contract killer no less, doing on the page of a Australia-based Singaporean Academic? Good question. Can't answer that one for you. Wouldn't say I follow the logic myself. All I know is that I'm getting a hefty pay cheque, my friend, and all my favourite things, while on assignment: leather goods, expensive hotel suites, and some kick ass weaponary. Now, if you promise to behave, I might just let you come back in and play. But you have to PROMISE you will not neglect your readership again. Should you wish to discuss a resolution of this unfortunate situation, you can reach me at trixareforkids at cluemail.com No spam, kiddies, I'm a contract killer. In the meantime, while the situation remains at a standstill, I shall entertain your readers with tales from the frontline, stories from your soon-to-be-favourite assassin and all round bad girl, Ms Bag-a-trixxxxxx

the next superhero

first i brought you dr. pornsak. now i give you the next superheros

raisin droppings

Don’t raisin looks like droppings? I love raisins, don’t get me wrong but they do look a lot like rat droppings. its not the most appetising of thoughts but that’s just the way it is.

singapore blogger lunchies and defining 'browned'

the asia blog awards have come and gone. the dust has settled and the winners have been announced. myrick organised a lunch to get all the singapore crew together and i managed to wrangle an invitation. [read more here, here and here] i had an awesome time hanging with the whole mob. it reaffirmed for me the whole community aspect of the blogging world. we made up a fairly diseperate bunch of people. and yet it was not a problem hanging out and jabbering on. it was so weird but so easy. singapore blog crew: mr brown, myrick, E@L, La Idler, Agagooga, Party Girl, nitin. i would have loved to meet adri and xiaxue but hey maybe next time. please go and check out their sites. And go here and vote for myrick in the Best New Blog category browned: n being featured and hyperlinked in an entry by mr brown adj the process of having internet users visit your website/blog after being featured in an entry by mr brown. usually leads to your site exploding metaphorically and at times quite literally. can also result in side effects that manifest in the physical world such as the provebial knock on the door late one night, tea parties but also increased attractiveness to members of the opposite sex and a libido to help.

the elephants in my insomia

I was up early on Saturday morning and I was watching the cartoons. One particular cartoon really got me fully annoyed. I don’t have the details of which cartoon it was but that’s not important. The point is that it showed an elephant drinking water through its trunk. Can you believe that? An elephant drinking water through its trunk. Everyone knows that the trunk is the elephant’s nose. Elephants drink water through their trunks as much as we drink through our nose. I mean there are impressionable kids watching who are going to grow up thinking that elephants drink through their trunks [noses]. I feel very strongly about this. As if kids were confused enough already, and then we give them this.

insomnia of the abyss

Another night spent in the wonderful state of sleeplessness. The thing about not being able to sleep that really gets to me is not the tiredness or the lethargy of the next day; it’s the sheer pointlessness of it. To just lie that looking at the light buzz of the telly, the vague sound suggestions of the traffic, turning and twisting in hopes of finding a sleep inducing position and then contemplation. That’s what gets to me. my mind is not interested in being functional in any useful manner. It is only interested in snowballing ruminations. You know, when you have one simple thought and then it slowly gains momentum and begins to roll through one’s cognitive mountains till avalanches race down several slopes dangerously into the abyss. And thats not the most pleasant of places. “And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.” - Friedrich Nietzsche Currently listenting to 'Nothing Without You [Tery Bina]' by Nusfrat Fateh Ali Khan from Mustt Mustt

at Phuket Airport

i am currently sitting at Phuket International Airport waiting for my flight to Koh Samui. there is a fair amount of chaos in the air. people just sitting around waiting for whatever flights they can get out of here. tempers were fraying at the check in counters. families not getting same flights, being seperated. people breaking down screaming at counter staff accusing them of being uncaring inhospitable people. some were just sitting around the airport waiting till they can find a flight out. many just looked dazed and lost. its so strange but i feel like a voyuer looking at them. i actually thought about taking some photographs but just could not bring myself to do so. guess maybe i never had it in me to be a journalist anyway. one thought keeps going through my head; so much for the threat of terrorism.

sometimes, titles are too hard

i am currently sitting at KLIA waiting to catch my flight to Phuket and from there carry on to Koh Samui. there is a free wireless network here and so that means its the first time in days i can check my mail and blog. i was going to do it from the hotel in KL but i buggered it up right and proper. i was all plugged in and ready to go. then i did something silly, dropped my laptop and now the ethernet port is broken. this has really pissed me off, i just hope i can get it fixed quickly as i will need natasha once i begin my teaching stint on Jan 3. so apple center at wheelock, here i come. anyway, i have much to tell and much more to complain about in the next few days. but at the moment, i am a tad disconnected. i was at patpong beach in phuket at the begining to the month. and now, its pretty much ravaged. and i am now flying into Phuket, just days after the quake. i am flying in when so many are trying to fly out. and my holidays continue, while so many lives just ended. i am not sure how i feel about it.

off to see the wizard

well, its that time if the year again. the time of bacchus and dionysus masqurading as rotound elderly men. the time of the siren songs of retail senerading the pilgrimes at the meccas of capitalism. the time when fortuna's wheel is at its zenith and we forget her caprious fickle nature.

so my dear friends;

merry xmas and happy new year.

may your credit card bills not be terribly high and your xmas party incidents easily forgoteen.

ps: i will be leaving melbourne tomorrow and be, variously, in singapore, kuala lumpur and koh samui over this silly season. will blog as technology permits and will resume properly blogging after jan 3.

Music Shuffle #2 by Terry's blog squatter

This kind of feels like someone going through your undie drawer laughing at the ones that you've kept in case of a washing emergency - except that we do this voluntarily in the name of online idiocy (or late night sleep inducement after writing a university course outline in my case). So can I keep pressing shuffle till something halfway credible comes up? No? Damn! Well, here goes nothing: I officially bare my sometimes tasteless, often outdated but always eclectic soul to the world.

1. Filthy/gorgeous - Scissor Sisters
2. Lilah - Morphine
3. Hindi sad diamonds - Moulin Rouge
4. The kiss - Deep Forest
5. Hallelujah song - Dave Dobbyn
6. Stay Awhile - Dusty Springfield
7. Sunset (Bird of Prey) - Gatecrasher
8. She's always a woman - Billy Joel (I swear I didnt know that was lurking in there! honest...)
9. The whole world - Outkast
10. No holly for Miss Quinn - Enya

Sigh. Time for bed. Have a day of international ridicule to prepare for tomorrow.

my music shuffle

so singapore's bloggomegaultimastar mr brown has this music shuffle thing to do, and so i did it. no britney or justine but i have a celine some and a few whitneys. but i survived. i have six double cd volumes of the best of the eighties but that did not turn up either. nor did a whole bunch of other embrassing music. why? cos i moved most of my music to my external hardrive. yeah! survived a public outing of my daggy music tastes. so here's what turned up. 01. Bill Laswell – Thunupa from the album Sacred System: Chapter Two 02. Astrud Gilberto - The Shadow Of Your Smile from the album The Silver Collection 03. The RZA/Charles Bernstein - Crane/White Lightning from the album Kill Bill 04. Bob Marley & The Wailers – Three Little Birds from the album Legend 05. Morcheeba – Sab Paulo from the album Charango 06. Cheb I Sabbah - Lagi Lagan from the album Krishna Lila 07. Dame Moura Lympany - Clair De Lune [Ocean's Eleven] from the album Pure Cinema Classics 08. Yann Tiersen [Amelie: Original Soundtrack] - Le Moulin from the album Le Fabuleux Destin d'Amelie Poulain 09. Spiller – Groovejet (If This Ain't Love) from the album Groovejet (If This Ain't Love) 10. Ryuichi Sakamoto – Chanson from the album BTTB [International Version]

duly chastised

"For a journal about new media, New Media and Society didn't seem very excited about providing references to relevant websites (or CDs, or anything). That each contributor does not have a website URL next to their name seems not merely disappointing, but pretty freaky. If your new media expert cannot even put together a basic website to support their work (simply providing extra information and links, say) then I am not certain that we want to spend much time with them. Seriously. The only possible excuse could be if you were a new media expert who argued that the internet was evil and should be shut down, in which case your no-website position would be pretty consistent, but otherwise I don't understand it and it just seems lazy." David Gaunlett of theory.org.uk [of the funniest sites ever, if you are a cultural studies nerd] and newmediastudies.com hence, i would like to announce the successful capture of terryjohal.com, terryjohal.org and terryjohal.net. this was orchestrated by none other than the Z(ippy)3 driving diamondaholic velle. eat your heart out terry johal of british colombia, victoria, canada. you have sullied the good names of terry johal enough, you property agent you. in your face. of course, now that i have the domain name. what do i do next? first plan of attack is to move the blog there, maybe using a subdomain. should i just ftp the blogger blog? probably not. i feel like i need more options about my blog like categories and links, more control over the aesthetics of the blog. any recommendations? Edit: I am sitting on my blue couch watching the cricket and blogging. sitting in a fair amount of darkness. all the windows are shut and the blinds pulled down. its to prevent the lounge becoming an oven. it currently 34C. i am sitting in front of the fan; that is aweshum. aktar is injured and out - does not bode well for pakistan.

When I grow up I wanna talk amplified crap outside a store!

Before I moved to Australia there was something missing in my life. Sure, I had a good job, cute dog and lovely man but I still had the gnawing feeling of absence, an emptiness, a void, or perhaps a chasm. The day I set foot in Melbourne and took a stroll through the thriving bustle of Swanston Street I realised what I had been missing and what I had now found that would make my life complete. Now, almost a year after moving here, I can't imagine how I lived my life without them. Can you believe that in New Zealand (and, indeed, in some other parts of the world I've heard) people do not have their lives enriched by the microphone weilding idiots standing out front of stores spruiking the crap inside?!!! In fact, I have to admit (and this is a deep shame that I have not confessed to the world before) that I had not even heard the word 'spruik' before arriving here!!! To think that I had been missing out on such a magnificent expression, whose closest relations in the venerable font of information that is the wordwebonline.com are spruce pine, spruce squirrel, sprung rhythm, spry, spud, spue, spume and spumescent. I have to confess that I had not even heard the word spumescent before my life was enriched by the world of store spruiking - what a wanton and fruitless existence I have thus led! But now all that is in the past, I am a truly a citizen of the world as I wander down the road, listening to the wonderful, stimulating prose that spews (or spumesces?) forth from the cheap and nasty microphones and crappy little amplifiers of the men and women in suits standing outside their stores. How did I function before when I didn't know what exciting one day only specials beckoned 'just inside', 'just downstairs', 'on the sales table' or even (joy of joys!) 'storewide'!!! How many incredible, never to be repeated, drastically reduced specials have I missed out on?! But enough of this reflection - lets get down to nails and tacks. Say, for example - you aspire to this profession? What are the realities of the business? How does one enter this glamourous job? A cheap suit and blonde hair (women) or crewcut (men) are basic prerequisites. A monotonous voice is another. Do you need to write your own script or are you winging it? How long should it be? Are we talking about an 8 hour 9-5 script? Or does it get repeated on a 5 minute basis? What if your amp stops working? Do you juggle, sing or whip out the "homeless, will prostitute my skills for money" sign?. Will your peers link less of you if you record it and play it through a stereo? (the answer is 'yes' by the way) and, most importantly, what is the best way to commit hari kari when nominated to do the spruiking shift cos' you were the poor bastard last in, first out on the street with a mic in hand. So many things to think about. When I get my post-grad quals over and done with maybe then I will be ready to tackle this momentous career move....maybe.

john howard is right

never did i think the day would come when i would say - 'little johnnie is right! completely and irrevocably right!'. next i will start thinking that maybe tony a-bot has human-like tendencies. oh woe is me, johnnie and i are of the same mind. this really hurts. and i blame you city of sydney. A plague o' both your houses! this is what we have come to agree on. i have rarely been this disgusted. ever. and i have been some disgusting places my friends. oh the stories i could you - like this one time in band camp... oh god, allah, jesus, buddha, and other various major deities, strike thy vengance on the people who thought - hmm... we need to reach out to the youth. thats where all the good sponors are. hmm... well my kids love that dance music, maybe we need to have some of that dance music. the kids are always so happy and loving after one of those dance gatherings. yup, thats what we need. a dance something. so there is bastard child of some totally like clueless bureaucrat. you know him - a prepy sweater with the bottom of a stripy shirt hanging out, distressed jeans, the shane warne hairdo. you know the one tragically hip mr GQ australia. and if i see you or your 65 billion clones walking down carlton again, i will have you publicly buggered by a large monkey. ps: i actually am a fragile sensitive soul deep inside - very deep. ps: this post contains two literary references. cos i rock at being a nerd. Edit: the spin starts here has something to say about it as well.

slogans are sexy

hammy has asked me to think of a few slogans for t-shirts. he knows how important i think the space offered by t-shirts is. it is probably the only space left in this over commodified world where one can choose to or not to say anything. all this happens while advertisers try to take over any eye-space possible to sell us more of what we don't need. public space is dead. [in bangkok, i saw a hospital that was covered by billboards. yes i can hear all the wonderful *money* talk about how it has *money * brought in revenue that *money money* has allowed to hospital to money money money. as its said, everything is for sale and everything must go.) so here are a few ideas; @ i wish i was working class @ blue collar is the new black @ space for rent @ free craig's johnson [ps: if you get it, you get it] @ commodify this @ i am a commodified demographic @ listen to me. i am an affluent demographic @ the revolution will be on fox @ the revolution will be televised and sponsored @ it's not what is sold, it's what you buy @ consumption will set you free @ slavery is cost-effective @ CEOs are humans too, alledgely @ work hard, the boss needs a pay rise another merc well , i will leave it at that for the moment. and people, let me know if the comments work, leave a slogan.

Phuket Dispatches 4

if you ever need a room, bugger the travel agent and ask your doctor to hook you up with his mate.

and yes, it's pronounced 'suck'

trash and trasher

so survivor came to its conclusion last night [at least i think so, it could have been earlier but i was in bangkok, aka, craphola of the worldla, where they still sing cranberries songs]. and by god, the last time i watched it, there were a bunch of chicks and now its was redneck and rednecker. could it get more trailer? so what have we learnt this time around? 1. being a lying, deceptive bitch is fine as long as you claim that in the name of honesty 2. mullet wearing women will never be given a million dollars 3. drugs fry your brains - ref scout 4. cute takes you far but not all the way 5. blue collar is the new black julie, eliza, ami and dolly - i would like to let them know that they can be my final four anytime. NOTE: Me and Stev0 are on the lookout for nine 1000 year old vixen spirits that also have the powers of the cleaning fairy. If you have an information pertaining to that, please let me know.

Bangkok Dispatches 1

Not only did I stay in an ominously named hotel, but my room number was 666.

I could not make this stuff up.

'the other best thing about bangkok? it sounds like something rude and painful happened to the natives.'

Singapore Dispatches 7

So I took a cab late one morning to Orchard Towers to pick up some flight tickets. Now, this was a ride of not more than five minutes, but I got that one cabbie who made it seem like it was far longer. First he insisted that I was going to Orchard Towers way too early. Instead I should pay him $10 to drive me around the city for the next hour. inspite of my profuse insistences that i had no interest in driving around the city and that i actually only had left singapore as recently as four years ago, he insisted that i should not leave until i have had someone drive me around the city. secondly, he insisted that i was early as the girlies would not be there till late afternoon. orchard towers is of course the famous 'four floors of whores' in singapore. he then said that since i had time before the girls got there, i should let him drive me around the city for the next hour. of course, he ignored my explanation of going to the travel agency there. then, he told me that the girls there were 'not clean one, very dirty, no lie-sense'. the girls in geylang were cleaner and 'better one for play play, all lie-sense'. of course, he offered to take me to geylang to the best whorehouse there. by now, we had arrived at the orchard towers and i was desperate to get out of his cab. but i had to wait for my change and guess what he did. he offered to wait for me get my tickets and then ... drive me around the city cos i should not leave singapore till i had done that. 'somemore, only $10. very cheap'

non-corporate managed asset

i am not a happy boy today. i have been advised that natasha is a 'non-RMIT managed asset' and as such cannot log onto the network without going through some serious paperwork and probbing. here i am attempting to put together a thesis about the potential emancipation that technology can provide and then boom! in your face. not impressed. spent the whole morning sorting this out. of course, it would have been a lot easier that someone just informed me and all the other laptops users about this new policy than to find out after making a couple of calls to the it people. who's to blame? not the it people. its the bottom line i guess. its always about the bottom line at the end of the days. i was going to do a bangkok dispatch but no! this had to happen. bullocks!

coming soon: the hindsight dispatches

i am back in melbourne and am currently sitting at my awesome desk in uni, only hours after travelling thousands of kilometers.

had a long and boring flight back. i just could not fall asleep no matter what i tried - positionwise and such. i watched all the movies and listened to the comedy channels. i have a complaint - it is really tedious to channel surf in the airplane. this is not desirable. i need to be able to zip zap my way through the dozens of channels.

anyway, i have not slept in days, literally. am experiencing a strange buzz in my body. i will endure this till night. hopefully that will sort my body clock out and i can get back to my life tomorrow.

and after that i promise, hindsight dispatches about phuket, bangkok and singapore.

and here's a taster:
"the best thing about bangkok is a confirmed seat out of bangkok'

as well as a handy guide to faking asia;

"you must have a faded white t-shirt of either the red bull logo or the singha beer logo. this will set you apart from the others and position you as a well asia travelled sort. accompany with strange smell for greater authencity'

Phuket Dispatches 3

I am back at the dont need my tourist dollars cos they have to sleep and eat and maybe spend time with their offpspring. bah! Why am I here? Not too sure. nothing exciting happened since my last post. sooo i have nothing to say really. nothing at all. nuthin .... except maybe this: "i know i am but what are you" i promise to blog more definitively when i get back to melbourne. when i am at my desk with my mess. Or when i am on my blue couch. i have pictures, i have seen things my people. so it will be some like totally awesome blogging coming your way soon. i am so rock and roll.

Phuket Dispatches 2

note to bloggers: avoid numbering your dispatches. it forces you to write more than one, regardless. i was almost at my hotel after a long day of sweating and being very hot. after wandering the streets like an englishman. and while everyone encases themself in the cool sweet air of the airconditioner, what do i do? i venture forth to fulfill the dreams of my loyal readership of three with a post. and so here i am. did the touristy thing today and went for the city tour. bought my mandatory singha t-shirt. forgot to buy the mandatory red bull [in thai] t-shirt but am on the case and will get that sorted tomorrow. also did the mandatory walk on the beach. [most of you will know of my dislike of the beach. to me sand and water combine to become mud.] did the sitting at a pub near the beach listening to a bad filipino band murdering grand covers of bad 80s music. did the wandering if she is a he bit as well. did the 'where you from?' bits. did the bargining bits. and now am doing the getting chased out of the internet place cos the lazy natives want to shut and go home to their kids at a mere 1 am. dont they know i am a affluent demographic? dont they know i am a tourist bringing in foreign currency? will try to blog from bangkok in the next few days. [damn lazy natives]

Phuket Dispatches 1

So I am sitting at an internet terminal somewhere in the swelter that is trying to pass itself off as Phuket. I sit encased in a substantial film of sweat, a James Cameron production starring old arnie kind of film. so far, I have been rained on, bitten by mozzies and had a Singha [word up to the duss]. Got in late in the evening and have not done much yet. But I have committed myself to sweating, and am currently doing really well at that. I have decided to leave my natasha back in Singapore. I have taken whitebaits advice and not drag poor natasha all over phuket and Bangkok. Of course, whitebait managed to persuade me, as many have, by buying me a gift - lipstick traces. I am so cheap to please. a thought struck me earlier as I sat in the plane - its been 18 days of living out of a suitcase in hotels. While it kind of nice to have your breakfast and bed made everyday, its weird too. cos you get the sense that someone has been walking around in what is essentially for that period your room. And they do things like move your stacks of papers and arrange your toiletries. But the weirdest is when you come back and the blinds have been shut. I dont know why but that really freaks me out. I really miss my office desk back in Melbourne. I am very attached to that space. Maybe its all the wonderful people in the room [just in case you happen to read this]. I had a picture of it as my wallpaper in natasha. I don't miss my bedroom all that much but I do miss the blue couch in the living area. That is one awesome blue couch. and off to another hotel room now and it has no blue couch.

over to the land of smiles

this might be the last post for a while now. i am off to thailand for the next few days. i have not decided if i am going to bring my laptop with me. it will be hard to leave natasha behind all by her lonesome. but i am fearful of dragging her around the streets of phuket and bangkok. also, i cannot, simply and vehemently cannot afford to have anything happen to her. i will try to get to a internet terminal or two along the way and post some 'thailand dispatches'. you so know you want to read my insightful, erm, insights. till then.

Singapore Dispatches 6

And there I was, in the toilet, it happened. Clean forgot what to do.

So I thought about pissing on the floor as it was the obvious thing to do. I probably shoudl not flush as I am very eco-aware. Must save water and that is why I pissed on the floor - helping to wash. Obviously, washing hands is just silly. As they say, why wash when you can just piss on them. Of course, littering is just recycling creatively. Waste not want not I say.

But thanfully, the toilets came with instructions. That was a close one. They think of everything.

Singapore Dispatches 5

I have this theory about Singapore. Well, I have several but here’s one of my newer ones. Over the last few days, I have been put into some peril by operators of various public places. They have put my life and limb at great risk. I blame this on the fact that Singapore is not a highly litigious society and that liability payouts are low. Let me explain. I was at City Hall Station one rainy afternoon. Of course the ever-so-considerate were all congregated around the entrance under shelter, praying to the ‘stop-the-rain’ god. The prayer only works by standing immobile in large crowds, preventing others from entering or exiting the station. And to really put some pow into your prayer, perform a blood sacrifice by opening your umbrella in that crowd and taking someone’s eye out. After I made it past the praying mob, eyes intact thankfully, I realised that the escalator headed down into the station had been killed and the hunters were busy standing around inspecting the carcass of the beast. Which meant that the only way down was via the water slide [also known as the gushing rain waters of the stairs]. Of course, the sardine river just careens down, pretty much pulling me along for the ride. I was glad when I reached the bottom of the stairs safely. It was quite the wet and wild ride. Since then, I have also had several water skiing episodes walking on tiles in Holland Village and Orchard Road. Why the hell would anyone think that smooth polished granite is not a completely insane flooring material? Now, if these genius operators were sued and had to make big payouts to all the slippers and sliders, perhaps it might strike them at non-slip materials tend to function better as flooring material. Or is that just too sensible a proposition?

Singapore's OK

"Ask yourself this question: if you have a child and he brings back a boyfriend or a girlfriend of a different race, will you be delighted?"

"I'll answer frankly - I don't think I will. I may eventually accept it," he [MM Lee] said.

Singapore Dispatches 4

The pathology of the mobile phone in Singapore is pretty insane. Last night, I was sitting at the back of the lecture hall while my colleague was lecturing. I do this so as to be able monitor what the students are doing. This has nothing to do with the fact I have, not this time, but once or twice a long long time ago, fallen asleep during lectures. It has nothing to do with that. Anyway, this is not about me. It’s about the students. I noticed that students will talk on their mobiles up to the very last moment before the lecture begins. Once the lecture begins, they at least stop talking on the phone. But messaging is another game altogether. I noticed some students keying in their messages without having to look at the screen at all. The entire operation is done while looking completely enraptured by the lecture. I was well impressed. Of course, there were those that left the hall to attend to calls as they are obvious very important people who need to be contactable 24/7. To think I asked them to please switch their phones off. How dare I. I asked a friend once to just switch her phone off. That look itself was priceless. Not to be outdone, I attempted to key in a message while the lecture was going on [sorry BM]. It was almost impossible. I have little idea what keys are where. And even less idea, what the first words formed are and how many clicks away are my desired words. And to do all this while looking engrossed into the lecture, now that is truly a skill I could do with. Its like when the airplane lands and the first thing people do is fire up their mobiles. I would have usually forgotten my charger and the mobile would be dead. NOTE: This post has been sponsored by good old Desmond Tan aka Duss. I am using the wirelss whatyoumightcallit at Coffee Bean at Funan. It's costing him SG$6 for 30 mins.

Singapore Dispatches 3

Teaching only begins at 7pm so I shall blog. I could do something productive like reading or writing but the blog calls. Lets go on about the chope rage. I have not seen it but I have heard much of this. People just going fucking bananas when their tissue packets are not given their due respect. Lets not even go back to the ‘hello kitty’ riots of 2000. Now that is some wicked chope rage. I don’t want get any of that chope rage just for some connectivity. It is too much of a fight to get to a terminal. I don’t have it in me. But this is Singapore, the land of the wireless quilt – WEAVE. SIM had to be on that mofo. So I went to the Apple Center nearest my hotel [wheelock] and got myself a wireless card. Dude I must digress but never EVER has Natasha been treated like such a commodity. The dude is friendly like and all, but he just striped her open right there. Out in the open, no curtains, no mood lighting, nothing. Oh god no! Then with no pomp nor pageantry just chucked the card in and that was that. Why I never ever. It hurt that one did. I would have preferred if he took her to the back somewhere and had his way with her. But not in that cold unemotional manner that he did on the shop floor. The good thing I guess was that it was mercifully quick. But I don’t know if Natasha and me are ready to go back to that Apple Center. We are fragile sensitive souls not used to unfeeling professionalism. But they have such nice toys. But the good thing is that normal interactions with cyberspace have resumed. Natasha is now wireless. And this just rocks in Singapore. Fucking ‘ell that mofo is all over the place. I was sitting at Funan – a monster IT mall – and there was a network ready for me. A credit card and $18 buys you 2 hours. And I have heard tales of other such wonders. And then as I was sitting around, as I tend to, I discovered that there are a few networks ‘floating’ around that do not require a password. Say its so! I have ‘borrowed’ some bandwidth from one or two of these. But merely to quickly check my mail. I am not sure how I feel about this yet. Ideally, it would be the utopia of Rheingold but in practicality, someone is paying if I am not. Hmmm… damn you my conscious.

Singapore Dispatches 2

Ah, lets about connectivity. The hotel that I am staying at is awesome. It is insanely opulent; or maybe I just have low standards. It has easy broadband access but by god it’s costly. Its $17 an hour, $35 for 24 hours or $110 for a week. As much I crave connectivity, I had to hold back. I was told that there would be connectivity at SIM. I was told there is a lecturers lounge with terminals that we can use. But they did not tell us of the ‘chope’. To ‘chope’ is to reserve a seat by placing one’s belongings around desired seat. This is usually done with a packet of tissue papers – the quintessential chope device. There is much of the choping at SIM. There are six terminals available in the lecturers lounge but most are choped. But this choping is not one for beginners. Oh no. Forget the tissue packet, this is an all or nothing chope. Books, papers, bottles, pencil cases, food, files, bags, the kitchen sink. It is a high stakes game. Not for dilettante. So much for that then. Or is there a counter-chope? Its called the ‘dumb angmoh’ card; or in my case, the ‘dumb don-know-from-where-one’ card. This is how it works. One needs to be loud, friendly and sure of the innocence of whatever silliness that one intends to get up to. And if one is ever caught out, feign ignorance, say a loud sorry, put on a big smile and all will be forgiven. Its works. I road tested it just fine. Is this to be the ultimate counter-chope? Oh yeah, but the chope rage cannot be too far off.

Singapore Dispatches 1

I have been in Singapore for the last week or so and as such have not had the time to get blogging. Been busy witht the teaching and whatnots and of course the catching up with the few friends that know I am here. Blogging will commence shortly.

the thing with old people

i like old people. seriously. they have given me hours of fun playing 'guess whose got diapers on?'. but i have one gripe with them, these old people. never ever go to the supermarket between 9.30 -12.00, before dr.phil and oprah come on. see, i was there the other day and i figured it out. i reckon old people get let out for their morning walks around this time so that they get tired out and come home to snooze in front of the telly for the rest of the day before they can resume their attempts at baby sitting. thats cool, everyone should be able to get out for a bit. its cool, i let my dog out everyday for a bit too. but at the supermarket, oh god help us. as hilarious as it is to see them shuffling up and down the aisles looking for that metamucil, these oldies become all lobotomised. there are oldies wandering and drifting in the fresh foods sections leaving what i am sure are gum marks on the fruit. and if they feel adventours they head to the cold food section -brrrr! its as good as a holiday. and its free and the weather is always good. and friends - there are always friends around, if not invite some, its free! so far so good. its not desirable but i am usually at work so does not really matter. its better than poor people or hippies i guess. but what gets to me is when i tried to queue to pay for my things. its called a express queue, i checked. holy fuck if it was not full of the oldies. and it took forever. each old person had to tell the cashier about their grandchildren, their unmarried children and their bowel movements from the day before. and of course no one paid by card like real people. they had to dig through various pockets, bags, and then ask their friends for 5 cents cos they did not want to get any change back. which would i guess weight down further and decrease their shuffle-ability. EXPRESS QUEUE! when i got to the front, i asked the cashier dude if that was just a suggestion. of course he did not get it. if he could, he would have a real job. so i suggest that all supermarkets, have an old people queue from 9.30 to 12.00. so that people with things to do, would not have to spend 20 mins queueing to buy a bottle of milk and some apples.

polyglot culture jam

a fully sick nite.

all come, there is much fun to be had.

its the 'speak mandarin' stupid

Oh me, oh my. I want to speak mandarin -Non-Mandarin-speaking job seekers 'need chance to learn it' I feel 'anguish and frustrations' at being discriminated against when applying for simple jobs that require me to speak not the other languages. Of course, not my mother tongue or my other tongue. And not even my national tongue. But mandarin speakers are going to explain to me why I cannot get the job while they explain to me why they are being discriminatory? Then they will teach me to speak mandarin, since it is obviously such an easy language to pick up? After I learn the mandarin, will I be proficient in speaking and understanding? Will I get the job then? I remember years ago when want ads would honestly state – Chinese, Malay or Indian preferred. None of that PCness, no thanks. We all knew where we stood. No point applying for a job there then. Now, it’s the euphuism of the mandarin speaker. Come on, if you went through the Singapore education system, you know who studied mandarin and who did not. Admittedly, there might be a few more economically minded parents who had children in the mandarin classes [but was not one of the rationales of the learning of the mother tongue to allow for a stronger grasp of one’s culture?]. So what does 'mandarin speaking' actually mean? But the thing that scares me more than the euphemism is the rationalisms that I hear about why I need to speak mandarin, why employers hire mandarin speakers. It’s the economics stupid, they say. It’s the reality of being a Singaporean. But did we not get kicked out of Malaysia from wanting equality? Are those ideals so easily sullied by economics? No, wait. Its about the coming rise of China, we need to be prepared to harness that potential. Oh, so it’s all-good then. My bad then.

the geek will ride

so i have passed my motorbike learners permit. i can with the blessings of the good people at vicroads ride a 250cc bike up to 110km/h. yeah, i am soooo badd baby. you know, i am going to rock the casbah like a mofo. "On the day I was born, the nurses all gathered 'round And they gazed in wide wonder, at the joy they had found The head nurse spoke up, and she said leave this one alone She could tell right away, that I was bad to the bone Bad to the bone Bad to the bone" George Thorogood and the Destroyers but enough of this tough talk. lets talk geek. i am in preparation of becoming a hardcore geek bikie. in the training mode, oh yeah baby. i have read everything at Beginners Guide to Motorcycling and Motorcycle Cruiser Magazine and webBikeWorld and Motorcycles and riding online and on and on and on. but any good researcher worth his slide rule will tell you - online resources are not enough. you need a variety of books as well. sooo... i went and bought 'the Complete Idiot's Guide to Motorcycles' [foreword by Jay Leno no less]. also under consideration are the following titles 'Motorcycle Owner's Manual', 'The Motorcycle Safety Foundation's Guide to Motorcycling Excellence: Skills, Knowledge, and Strategies for Riding Right', 'Street Strategies: A Survival Guide for Motorcyclists' and 'Proficient Motorcycling' as well as 'More Proficient Motorcycling'. which bring me to the fact that borders and readings have no motorbike section. what the galahballs? but Book Affair came to the rescue and have a large [three whole shelves] section on bikes. but its still not done. where's the fieldwork? there must be some qualitative and maybe even quantative research. i am generally a textual research so this is new ground for me. the thing i dislike about non-textual research is that involves talking to other people. and it begins usually with touching... at least that what i was told. anyway, i have since attempted talking to other riders. and it has been awesome and extremely useful. there is nothing like talking to people who can give you first hand advice and insights. and i am a firm believer in communities and they are just the best way to get to know people and where like-minded people offer help. and the best place to do that is Netrider and Ozsportsbikes.com.

it's here somewhere...

uni desk
*blughed by*terryjohal.

so this is what my desk in uni looks like.

on a good day...

and i swear... i will find it

Farrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrck!

Ok, so Terry invited me to play on this blog with the specific proviso that I swear as much as possible. I let him down badly with my first attempt but he has been kind enough to give me one more shot. So here goes: WHAT A BUNCH OF FUCKING IGNORANT ARROGANT PAROCHIAL DICKWADS THE AMERICANS ARE!!!!! Now, i'm not given to mass stereotyping (much - stay tuned for the indian shopkeeper special in upcoming weeks :-) but I'm feeling pretty confident in saying that 51% of all voting Americans - that's 59,019,633 people for those mathematically inclinded readers out there - are fucking idiots. Sure you can bang on about how dumb Dubya is - but how much dumber are the people who voted for him?!!! I had a whole load of trouble logging on to blogger.com this morning and I am pretty sure that is because every single other person with a blog and a modicum of left-wing, or even moderate right-wing, inclination is logging on to have a bloody good bitch. And so they should. Cos' it's a fucking travesty. Chanel the fabulous Kiwi getting kicked off Australian Idol in favour of Anthony the midget italian poseur is nothing in comparison to this (although I still have bad dreams about the former) ... this is big time bad news. I can't even begin to think about the prospect of having that cock in the whitehouse trampling over the rest of the world in his shiny cowboy boots for another 4 years. Enough said, I'm sure everyone else is saying it as well and I have nothing new or insightful to add - but I'm hoping my swear tally has got me back in Tezza's good books.

As if i'm not geeky enough already.

Oh dear god, I am turning into my mother. I used to laugh at her as she would come home from work, in the front door and out the back door into the garden, pausing only long enough to drop her bag. For the next half hour at least, she would be happily pootling around the garden, tweaking branches here, pulling a weed there, sort of destressing after her day I guess, at the time it just seemed to me to be another symptom of my mum going quietly, contentedly mad (this is, after all, the same woman that I caught vacuuming our deck). ...and then I got the bug. It all started innocently enough, I was desperate for something, anything other than essay marking, so I wandered into the backyard and pulled out a couple of the monster weeds that have taken it over. It was strangely satisfying. A few days later I was at Arthur Daley's Extremely Dodgy Clearance Store Full of Shit You Don't Need But Have to Have and there was a gardening set of branch loppers, trowel, gloves and other bits and pieces (including a sexy workmans belt for looking like a dick with)...all for the ridiculously low and irresistable price of $3.95. What could I do? I knew I shouldn't have but the little voices in my head kept saying "go on, it's less than $4! what harm can it do?". So I bought it. 2 weeks later I am a cofirmed garden addict, fiddling with the roses that have survived despite my best efforts to the contrary and rampaging around with the loppers. I love loppers. Dumb word but my god, how much fun are they?!!! There is nothing quite like the feeling of power as you prowl through your backyard, commando style (not in reference to an absence of underwear on this occasion), seeking out the next unsuspecting victim of my loppers of wrath. There ain't no fair trial in my back yard, I am the judge, jury and executioner of all I purvey (and can reach). I think a step ladder is next on my list, then even the tall stuff can't escape. Mwooah hah hah! If you see me lurking around my balcony with a vacuum cleaner please stop me.

broken head syndrome

i think i am suffering from broken head syndrome {bhs}. originally, i thought i had merely sprained my brain trying to read deleuze and guattari's anti-oedipus. and of course the marking, which is always such a pleasant distraction from the less joyfull aspects of life like sleeping. but i think that perhaps its worse. been having the usual migraines but now they last for two or three days. and, i have been having brain cramps - seriously. dont laugh. the right side of the top of my head sort of tightens up and then there is a slight tingling sensation. it lasts for a few minutes and then disapears. i did not think much of this until i mentioned it to someone and said someone was horrified that it was not a joke. and since i have asked around and hmmm... no body seems to understand what i am talking about. so, as any rational person does - i claim the naming rights - broken head syndrome it wil be henceforth known as.

singapore-style poly-tics

Regulate monopoly in political market Opposition party member Steve Chia sent yesterday's debate on the new competition code off into a different direction when he called for the new law to also regulate the 'political market'.The Non-Constituency MP said the Bill did not have any provisions to check the 'monopolistic power and anti-competitive behaviour' of the governing political party in Singapore. He said: 'It is a well-known and recognised fact that the PAP, as the governing monopoly in Singapore, uses every resource within its dominant power to bring about anti-competitive practices.' ... an insistent Mr Chia said the Bill should include all sectors, including government service providersIf such 'anti-competitive behaviour' was not checked, it might lead to a greater erosion of the democratic principles of equity and fairness on which Singapore society is based, he warned. Rebutting, MP Sin Boon Ann (Tampines GRC) questioned his mix of politics with business. 'The essence of politics is to allow people the right of choice... if people so decide that this party continues to dominate the political scene, it's a demonstration of the free will and the choice of the people. 'And that's the reason why we are in this House term after term, election after election,' he said to rousing 'ayes' and thumping of seats from party colleagues. Added Mr Sin: 'Why do you question the people's choice?' change not a bid to gag MPs The cause of his ire: a recommendation by a rules committee to limit MPs to posing five questions at each sitting - three for a minister to respond to verbally, and two for a written response. Mr Tan supported the changes but said the 'obsession with trying to make ourselves too efficient in this House... worries me'. He also took issue with another possible change: MPs in future may no longer take their oaths of allegiance individually but in groups or in a manner the Speaker will determine.

upcoming releases - the gone wild series

these are all sourced from the various online editions of singapore newspapers recently. i could not make this up. maids gone wild v.3 = = = = = Her employer [Ai Li - a maid], who's identified only as Mr Chen, 40, a businessman, found her ranting illogically, sometimes pausing to laugh. The woman claimed that she was a male spirit. Unable to talk her down, Mr Chen called the police who sent officers from the local fire department to the scene. They tried to reason with the maid, but Ai Li simply laughed and ran around the roof, playing a game of hide-and-seek with her negotiators. After four hours, the officers gave up and dragged her down by force. The woman displayed incredible strength, fighting the group of men violently. She calmed down only after she was doused with cold water. An amulet was also hung around her neck. When Ai Li came to, she appeared to have no recollection of what had happened. She has been taken to hospital where tests are being run to determine if she is suffering from mental illness. Mr Chen told China Press that he believed Ai Li had been possessed by evil spirits. He first suspected something was amiss on Saturday evening when Ai Li suddenly started shrieking for no apparent reason. She drank 15 glasses of water at one go. Mr Chen said she passed out when he grabbed her and placed an amulet around her neck. He was horrified to find the maid 'possessed' again the next morning, he said. An Indonesian construction worker, who had been working on the house next door, said the foreman in charge of the project had 'taken' a spirit to the site. The spirit was supposed to watch over the site and ensure the safety of the men, he said. However, when work wrapped up recently, the spirit was 'abandoned'. = = = = = ceo's gone wild v.6234 = = = = = In its report, the Melbourne-based Herald Sun claimed Mr Tay 'blew a staggering A$25 million in a two-year losing streak' at the Crown Casino in Melbourne. It also claimed he bet up to A$100,000 a hand on big-stakes baccarat tables, and he made more than 25 visits to Melbourne since February 2001. While there, it alleged, he almost always stayed in his favourite five-star accommodation at the top of the Crown Towers Hotel - where a single night in the palatial suite, complete with a team of private butlers, costs A$8,000. It described its source as a confidential report it managed to obtain, called the Mahogany Room report. The report said staff of the Mahogany Room told the newspaper Mr Tay did not hesitate to risk more than A$1 million in a single session. = = = = = unmarried old blue collars gone wild v.69 = = = = = A BEVY of jeans-clad women, some still teenagers, stand shyly before the Singaporean stranger. More young women arrive by the van-load at the empty restaurant in the city's Chinatown, hoping to catch the eye of 51-year-old accounts clerk Goh Ho Guan. The bachelor makes them parade before him, and they do so awkwardly - more than four dozen in all, aged 19 to 30. Clearly dazzled, he tells The Straits Times: 'There are so many for me to choose from! I also have a headache. I don't know how to choose.' -edit- Most are Chinese-speaking blue-collar workers, aged 30 to 50, looking for a woman to care for them and start a family with. Chinese men make up almost nine in 10 of the 67,000 bachelors in Singapore aged 35 to 49, according to the 2000 Census. There are another 11,236 aged 50 to 59. Some had failed romances and feel Singaporean women are materialistic, demanding and too independent. Others, like Mr Goh, have never had a girlfriend. 'Singapore girls are very difficult,' is how he puts it. Mr Mark Lin, who runs Sin Ye International Matchmaker, said that in Vietnam, these same men are 'kings' when it comes to choosing wives. -edit- 'Generally, Vietnamese women are gentle, very obedient and have a good character,' he said in Mandarin. His wife never says no if he wants home-cooked food, he says. -edit-Women like 22-year-old farmer's daughter Quach Thi Lan. When asked what kind of husband she dreams of, she replied: 'If a man chooses me, I don't think I will have any objection.' -edit-'Planting rice is back-breaking work. I want a chance to go abroad, to see new places and to know more things,' Miss Lan said. -edit-All of them had been shown his photograph and knew his age and occupation, that he did not smoke, gamble or drink alcohol, and that his hobby was collecting stamps. He settled on Miss Nguyen Thi Kuen Linh, 26, a farmer's daughter and one of eight children, who left her village 170km south-west of the city in late May.Now she had to have her virginity check, even though she said she had never had a boyfriend. Mr Goh came back from the doctor's clinic grinning widely. They were engaged that day and married the next. = = = = = nighting gales gone wild v.2 = = = = = "Bilateral ties with China are no doubt important but we should not compromise our social values by allowing the prostitution problem to get out of hand," wrote Tang Li Shan in one of a series of complaints to local media. Prostitution in Singapore is legal in several red-light districts where Indonesian, Malaysian, Thai, Indian and Chinese women ply their trade in brothels, karaoke lounges and massage parlours. Sex workers must carry a health card and submit to medical checks. But soliciting for sex on the street is illegal. By far the biggest source of new sex workers is China, where an industrial boom has triggered rural unemployment and a range of vices -- from prostitution to human trafficking. Singapore, whose population is Asia's third-wealthiest and 77 percent ethnic Chinese, is a natural magnet. "It's my first time here," explains Yeh, an affable, soft-spoken women who looks about 5 years beyond her age. "I've stayed for about 20 days." She says she earns about S$300 each day. "I will have to leave when my social visit pass expires." "Those who are forced into prostitution look to Singapore as the land of milk and honey. They borrow money to come here in hope of decent work but only to find themselves landing in debt and in prostitution," he said. = = = = =

why summer is to be despised

1. its too bloody hot. research, scientific research, has shown that the optimun work temperature is 17-24 degrees celsius, not 34 degrees, not 36 and defintely not 40 degrees. lee kuan yew, the great man himself, said that the air-conditioner gave us who live in the tropics a chance to take those from the temperates on. there would not have been the protestant work ethic if they were in the tropics, let me tell you that. siestas my arse. have you heard something more counter productive. yes boss, while the rest of the world works i have to sleep cos its too damn hot. cooling is vital to the economic vitality of the tropical countries. hear now - i am of the tropical people so fuck off with the 'oh i love summer, oh i love the heat'. i will beat you severely for being a stupid imperialist. 2. white men with patsy pasta legs in short shorts. holy shit, is there an uglier sight than this. if i want to see old man balls, i will let you know. till then, put them away. please. these men look like loolipops. a gut on twigs. oh god, why? this cannot be the same ommipotent dude who made like cute chicks and tiny clothes. and dudes, 3. socks with sneakers. it bad enough that you wear socks with sneakers but for fucks sake, dont fucking pull the motherfuckers up. that is just stupid. if you have to wear socks, dont wear your bullshit dress socks. they are dress, listen, d r e s s socks. sneakers and dress socks for fucks sake. hullo? how much of a dropkick are you? and the icing, it is usually acompanied by pasta legs. 4. blasted fucking frosted pink sunnies. once again research has shown that gray tints reduce brightness with the least distortion, amber and brown tints help to reduce glare, increase contrast and clarity and absorb higher frequency colors, such as blue and violet, in addition to UV rays. yellow and green tints block mainly the blue spectrum which is useful if you are sking or out on the water. frosted pink lenses do fuck all. you might as well run around clucking like a chicken for all the good. why? cos it is as useless and you will look as silly. oh oh, you think it looks cool. well so does every piece of rancid slut that try to pass themselves off as vaguely worth a bullocks. i hope that you get cataracts cos you were too busy being cool instead of blocking those uv rays. 5. every second person, telling you how glorious it is out there. refer point 1 and pray that they die of heatstroke. 6. tanning. If god made you a pasty white motherfucker, well then thats really your lot in the world yes? If you were not blessed with browness, then blame your parents for not cross breeding and giving your ass a chance. Blame your grandparents for being supremesists who would not breed with the natives and thus would have made you a mullato. so you people who want to get some color and burn in the sun for hours. hey moron! if god wanted to to be blessed with browness, he would have made you indian. so deal with it. i hope you get skin cancer, you fucking deserve it. i am not done yet, you fake tanners, you are just like micheal jackson. think about it. yeah you know it dont you. ohh, i want to be spray painted a color that i am not. but mike is just denying himself? suck on it mofos. too much of that, you might just end up a kiddie fiddler. i will stop here for now but there is more - fat chicks, the beach [oh just great, sand and water = mud, you moron], thongs, armpit hair and lots more. and before i go, remember when dealing with stupid people, evolution is a fact not a suggestion. think about it.

whats with queqing for tickets the night before?

I am sitting at the cafe and there are a bunch of freaks who have set up their fucking shop outside the ticketmaster. What kind of super loser would do such a loser thing? If you dont have the connections to score tickets, has it ever struck you that you are just not worthy. You are an inconsequential nobody digit and you dont deserve a ticket. The least you can do is find some other loser who would take your place to help you score some tickets. You sicken me.

zimn zamn brook spirit

mrbrown is on holiday in melbourne. he is one of the most famous blogger in singapore. he has been blogging on the road about his experiences. johann is a singaporean dude who is crazy like a coconut, that is, he is cycling from turkey to new zealand. he was in melbourne recently and i caught up with him. it was interesting to meet and talk to someone who is living the research i do. another note: what is a blogder? it seems that rather than use 'blogger', the uniquely xiaxue has given it a twist. it seems to be almost like 'blog-duh', by which of course i mean 'like, i blog. duh!'. i could make fun of her but that would only unleash the vast blog police. xiaxue is a formidable minx, i dare say. she makes for good reading. she is so popular that she has her own clones - plagarisers that have the own blogs. if only imitation were flattery. and this one is for hammy. he has been a tad upset since the election did not turn out quite how he expected. i dig what you say man, but i say this to you - "aint democracy is bitch!". there has been a lot of comiseration in the various mailing lists and forums, but it just seems like sour grapes. obviously, we are a minority. but we cant get all arrogant and blame auss-tray-yah. wait till the americas speak. holy buggery bananas. trendy phrases to explain elections: *if only the people knew who to vote for. ah the masses. cant live with them, cant live without them. *well, if we dont get the government we want, we definitely get the one we deserve. *this is just reflective of the move towards greater fundamentalism as our society deals with the tensions of globalisation *but this is same country that voted out ricki-lee

aural investments ratings press release

bill laswell - dark massive/disengage [ambient compendium] cd1 5/5 cd2 4/5 bill laswell - invisible design *not rated/still listening bill laswell and jah wobble - radioaxiom 5/5 cheb i sabbah - krishna lila 4.5/5 colder - again *not rated/still listening rakesh chaurasia and talvin singh - vira 5/5 ryuichi sakamoto - bttb [back to the basics] 4.5/5 sacred system - chapter one- book of entrance 3.5/5 sacred system - chapter two 3.5/5 sacred system - nagual site 4/5 scissor sisters - scissor sisters 4/5 steve roach - space and time 4.5/5 tabla beat science - tala matrix 4/5 the suns - rock 3.5/5 various - flexistentialism: the joy of dex/scratchmological waxploitation cd1 3.5/5 cd2 3.5/5 various - the classical indian collection cd1 4/5 cd2 4/5 one of lectures i will be giving at SIM is on 'music and the glocal response'. for this lecture i will be focusing mainly on indian music - classical, flimi and diasporic. i want to do something on the singaporean glocal response to music, and if anyone has suggestions on interesting singaporean music, let me know.

*blugh*

The Christian nerd factor for this particular war in Iraq has been higher than usual, and for obvious reasons. who says research is pointless? ghandi vs howard sleeping through sex looking for a job?

Derrida Dies at 74

derrida has joined the realm of the other DFTs [dead french theorists]. i am generally not a big fan of his work being more of a foucault and deleuze type of guy. derrida's approach is very useful but i feel it tends to collapse into itself. but his work on meaning is so relevant given the climate around osama, bush and a whole bunch of that kind of stuff. furthermore, i think it probably has to do with the fact that i am looking much more at the issues of poltical economy in terms of governmentality and resistance. blahblahblah.... a piece in the telegraph that is defintely worth a read - Jacques Derrida. update: superman has died. not a big fan of the reeve for a bunch of reasons. but the superman is dead. and thats kind of shit.

FBI seizes Indymedia servers

What the hell is going on? This, coupled with a bunch of other recent acts, troubles me deeply. What ever happened to the "freedom" that is touted repeatedly? Media consolidation is a serious issue and one that needs our urgent attention unless you want the media industry to go the way of the music industry with the brittneys and jessicas. cos people, that is excalty where this is headed. the need for independant and community media is now absolutely paramount. and we need to be a part of this. we need to get our voices out, get our thoughts and views out. and we need to get them out LOUD! we don't need the 'media'. we need people to start saying - 'look here, this is just not on. and this is what i think of it.' FBI seizes Indymedia servers - Breaking - http://www.theage.com.au/technology/

spiffy sentences

'ironically, the very scientific worldview and runaway technological acceleration some say have produced the spriritual vacuum and societal fragmentation that are fertile gorund for millenarian beliefs are spawning a technoeschatology of their own - a theology of the ejector seat.' - Mark Dery, Escape Velocity: Cyberculture at the End of the Century 'what i have said here is not 'what i think', but often rather what i wonder whether one couldn't think.' - Michel Foucault, Power and Strategies 'A book is a small cog in a much more complex, external machinery. Writing is a flow among others; it enjoys no special privilege and enters into relationships of current and countercurrent, of back-wash with other flows - the flows of shit, sperm, speech, action, eroticism, money, politics, etc. Like Bloom, writing on the sand with one hand and masturbating with the other - two flows in what relationship?' - Gilles Deleuze, I have nothing to admit

the blog strikes back

So i have not blogged for a while, a long while. And i have had the blog police hounding me. ok, not hounding but i did get a few irate emails. I would be flattered but they were more about being bored than 'i miss your super amazing mega interesting writing.' It was not very easy to not blog. But the blog become the public face of the blogger. And one starts to care about what is being written instead of just writing. You look at the world with blog potential lens. You start to think in blog. After a while of not blogging, it became hard to write something blog worthy. There were many ideas but excuses are so much easier. It was weird. I even thought of starting another blog to get the juices going, to make a new start. The projectmaya was too heavy, too important, too close a place to be silly. And it was always written by terry johal. In the end, it was just a matter of saying, 'bugger that, here goes fuck all'. So the blog is back. But it will be a tad different me thinks. Hmm.. i think maybe i need a space where i dont have to be terry johal. Where i can write aways from the history and story of terry. Maybe somewhere nobody knows terry johal or maybe an anonymous blog. This might be rather dramatic and unnecessary. Perhaps, but like i say in my lectures on creative communication, 'this is my space, fuck you if you dont like it'.

The Return of the Kink - 2004/2005 Tour

The Kink will be touring for the first time in more than three long years. The Kink will be embarking on a four country tour in a few weeks and this is your chance to see The Kink after all this while. Book your tickets now! The first five bookings [via return email] will get to meet The Kink backstage and be given the opportunity to hang with him. Don’t wait! Get your tickets now! 13 Nov – 30 Nov Singapore* 1 Dec –7 Dec Bangkok** 8 Dec – 22 Dec Melbourne* 23 Dec – 31 Jan Kuala Lumpur and Ipoh**+ 1 Jan – 18 Jan Singapore* * Tickets still available ** Very Limited Tickets available + Exact dates and venues will be announced pending negotiation with promoters. ------ Responses So Far That Have Won Backstage Passes * please can I get two tickets under Snowflake and Fluffy Bunny please? * Arh… dun quite remember them. But wouldn’t u be in town when the kink is here? * Dear Sir, I'm writing in response to the latest tour update of The Kink and I'm interested in whether or not there is a guest list available for the Singapore slots. If so please add my name to it. More backstage passes still available.

Its been a long time since i rocked and rolled

here's a quick bunch of stuff to update youse awl. i am officially a phd candidate. For my upgrade from a masters, the school decided to have the candidate perform an oral defence of the thesis proposal and the work done to that point. I had my oral defence a couple of weeks ago and largely managed to clear it however, after my oral defence the school decided that it would be the first and last in the foreseeable future. I was told it had nothing to do with me. Australian idol is back on and i have no idea whom the people like. I have been wrong all but once. Ricki lee – why would any parent give their child a hyphenated name? I dont get that. How does a parent decide that their child is so special that it needs not one but two first names? I will be going to singapore in late november and early january to teach at singapore institute of mangement for the RMIT mass communication program. I will be teaching contempoary pop culture in november and new communication technologies in january. In between, i shall attempt to visit the lynx in bangkok. [maybe hook up with dr dick and his little woman friend aka wifey chick over xmas in the ipoh]. I have promised to provide my supervisor with four chapters before i leave for singapore. And i have promised very publicaly. I have written so far what i can technically refer to as fuck all. Now that semester has ended, i have a whole bunch of essays to mark and marks to collate. And i have to put togther a reader each of the subjects i will be teaching. Of course, the co-lecturers will help but i have to still do at least my share. Which i have done, to some extent. I have definetly thought about the what should be in the readers. I have booked my motorbike learners at the end of the month. And i have decided to get myself the virago 250 sometime at the end of jan when i get back from singapore. I am going to be like a biker dude. Sweet. I have to write a couple of abstracts by the end of the week for submission for a conference in beijing in august. And another for a conference in christchurch. The uni will not pay for any of these conferences but its all for the greater good of terry. I have a couple of things to get done for polyglot as well. And my other side projects that have not so far left the ground in any significnat manner. But i have a good idea of what my ideas should be like. I am sure there is more but this is all that comes to mind at this time.

joe vs the volcano

here are some quotes from one of th bestest movies ever made, ever. Mr. Waturi: "And what's this about a doctor's appointment? You're always going to the doctor!" Joe Banks: "I don't feel good." Mr. Waturi: "So what? You think I feel good? Nobody feels good. After childhood, it's a fact of life. I feel rotten. So what? I don't let it bother me or interfere with my job." ----- Dr. Ellison: "You can depend on at least four or five months of perfect health." Joe: "Wait, what are you talking about? I don't feel good right now." Dr. Ellison: "That's the ironic part, really. Mr. Banks, you're a hypochondriac. There's nothing wrong with you that has anything to do with your symptoms. Now my guess is that your experiences in the fire department were extremely traumatic. You experienced the imminent possibility of death several times." Joe: "Yeah." Dr. Ellison: "You survived. But the cumulative anxiety of those brushes with death left you habitually fearful about your physical person." Joe: "I'm not sick except for this terminal disease?" Dr. Ellison: "Which has no symptoms. That's right. It was only because of your insistence on having so many tests that we happened to discover the problem." ----- Joe: "Brain cloud! I knew it! Well, I didn't know it, but... I knew it!" ----- Mr. Waturi: "No! No! You were wrong! He was wrong! Who said that? I didn't say that. If I said that, I would have been wrong. I would have been wrong. Isn't tht right, Harry?" ----- Marshall: "And what kind of clothes do you got now?" Joe: "Well, I got the kind of clothes I'm wearing." Marshall: "So, you got no clothes." ----- Luggage Salesman: "Have you thought much about luggage, Mr. Banks?" Joe: "No. I never really have." Luggage Salesman: "It's the central preoccupation of my life. You travel the world, you're away from home, perhaps away from your family, all you have to depend on is yourself, and your luggage." ----- Angelica Graynamore: "I'm the doughter of the guy who hired you, Angelica Graynamore." Joe: "Uh, it's nice to meet you." Angelica Graynamore: "Nice to meet you. Daddy told me to say I don't know why he hired you, and not to tell me. That I'm totally untrustworthy. I'm a flibbertigibbet." ----- Angelica Graynamore: "So, what'd you do before you signed on with Daddy?" Joe: "I was an advertising librarian for a medical supply company." Angelica Graynamore: "Oh, I have no response to that." ----- Angelica Graynamore: "Would you like to hear one of my poems?" Joe: "Sure." Angelica Graynamore: "'Long ago, the delicate tangles of his hair covered the emptiness of my hands.' Would you like to hear it again?" Joe: "Okay."

sheer random bits tits

"I could understand Americans trying to grab patent rights over Basmati rice and neem products - where they mercifully failed - but how can anyone patent thought and meditation?" wrote the author Khushwant Singh in The Tribune. But resort administrator Yogendra - a Canadian lawyer formerly known as Darcy O'Byrne - says changes such as seeking copyright in the US are just common sense. "Those people from India," he says, "they don't really understand copyright." ** Not Bhagwan's bag? [Peter Schwab, a footy coached fired a few weeks ago, being asked who should take over as coach] "It is sometimes a bit like asking who is going to marry your ex-wife." ** Hawks taking time: Schwab some eavesdropping "i am very good at the sucking" - two indian guys leaving nova cinema "i always play down my asianness. i cant stand those asian asians." a chinese guy walking down the street with three other chinese guys. "thunder, lightening, very very frightening" - channel nine footy comentator when the swans/eagles game was delayed for 30 mins due to, wait for it, thunder and lightening. a im convo i just had dude: Just had a dream abt you... tezza: dude dude: man, it rocks! dude: dreamt of you tearing your head apart tezza: wow, glamour tezza: how? dude: you fingered into your skull dude: then in a stripping action, you flunt your scalp onto the floor dude: the most memorable bit was your hair, like feathers, it was floating in the air before it got rested. dude: so picturesque dude: so artsy. dude: so you. tezza: dude, that is some freaky ass shit dude: freaky? dude: haha...it seemed you enjoyed the attention, at least in the dream dude: like you wanted to be watched, hence every motion was measured, and you did all of it, with a smile. seriously, i almost never do that anymore. lastly, go and watch The Corporation. seriously, it rocks the casbah like a mofo.

i am addicted to that little alkaloid

its true. i have a habit. several times a day i take a hit of a psychoactive drug. it used to be presribed as a decongestant, mild painkiller, an appetite suppressant and as a stimulant. i can go a day or two without it, but it just keeps calling me. so take it from someone who has given up giving up. for more information, go here. recent conversation i overhead ----- i was sitting in the tram a few days ago. in the lull between songs i swear i heard one chick say to another "... and i even let him stick it up my arse ...". i hit the pause button sharply but after that it was all about her bastard cheating boyfriend. this really should be a story for tramspotting. make people and influece friends 2 ----- someone's friend proposed to someone at the effiel tower in paris - blah blah. my reaction - 'how tacky.' 'its not his fault that he is so stupid, its more likely than not genetic.' 'love? eva braun was in love too.' recent book purchases ------ the roaring nineties by joseph stiglitz quirky qwerty: the story of the keyboard @ your fingertips by torbjorn lundmark difference and repetition by gilles deleuze the complete yes prime minister by jonathan lynn and antony jay the rainbow connection: the internet and the singapore gay community

naked blondie indians

anyway, i was image googling 'india' and every page had a pix of some naked chick. and she wasnt even indian. strange. i mean, if she was indian, it would make some sense. but a blondie, it does not make any sense. its insane, nutty, crazy even. and the indian sites had a different map of india from the pakistani sites. it was interesting to see which sites showed tibet and which showed china instead. one map even had east pakistan on it. ah, the politics of of the two-dimension. why india? well, i have to get ready a two hour lecture - 'india: the new tiger?' - by tomorrow arvo. the thing i find about writing lectures is that the hardest part is coming up with a structure. the rest then just falls into place. now, mostly, once that is sorted out, i go pretty much on the fly. i find that to be the easiest way to present my information and arguments with a few points and then just jabber away. it works well for me. but this lecture is not quite my area of research. i dont know why i said i could do it. its the arrogant blugh in me that takes it all as a challenge. i have given lectures on india, flims and music before and i have spoken about the issues that india faces for lectures on globalization. anyway, as this is a new lecture, so i have read up on like figures and stats and remember whatnots. i usually just recall stuff but this time i have nothing to recall. anywhos, enough not doing my work.

make people and influence friends

1. When arguing with older people about young people being angry and political, try not to say, ‘it’s the ferocity of youth before age dulls the blade’.
2. When listening to ‘chocolate salty balls’ by Isaac Hayes on the headphones while wandering around the supermarket, try not to sing along aloud.
3. When asked for your opinion about someone you know, avoid the phrase ‘she’s very blonde’; especially, when asked by a blonde.
4. When your housemate who has had red, pink, purple and orange hair over the last few months and has now decided to let his original hair color grow out says to you 'i have so many white hairs, seriously', don't tell him, 'yah, but you are almost thirty'.
5. When service staff ask ‘how’s it going?’, avoid staring and saying ' do you actually care? Do you?'.
6. When in doubt, it is usually a new hairstyle.
7. When in a crowd, don't attempt to break the ice by telling people that you can burp and fart at the same time.

my hero sandwich

what is the point of the olympics? seriously. 'higher, faster, stronger' would make more sense if ron jeremy said it. ohh, you run in a straight line, wow! oh wait, you can run around the bend and you can run the whole oval shape. i am well impressed. and you can throw this round metal disc/ball/ball-on-a-chain/pointy-stick. well, fuckin 'ell, isnt that just peachy? and what about you sweet people who can swim, fast. you'll do well when the polar caps melt. dont get me wrong now. i have nothing against these oily-pee-ants. i think ian thrope is wunderbar [well, he has huge feet], but consider this. dude, as deleuze said 'admit it'. its all a bunch of whatever sweetie anyway. jana pitman is one of the most focused and driven competitors. but hey, dont give me the great aussie hero crap. the olympics is for a bunch of selfish, doped up, state-indulged egocentric whatevers. they do what they do not for oz-tray-yah, but for themselves. that what being a sportsperson is about. you can only push yourself because you want it. so dont give me this great hero crap. so, i have decided to boycott the oily-pics because i am sick of this hero crap. if i were training, what, five, six days a week for years, working and training to that one event, that would be my job. it wouldnt make me a hero cos i achieved something that i do all the time, something i am working towards. we dont call garbos heros when they pick up our trash, even when its done terribly well. i have never call the coffee making dudes or dudettes heros on that one day when the lattes is perfect. so why is it different for the oily-pee-ants? also, would it then mean that those that dont win are unheroic? or maybe even villainous? so, who are the heros? peter hughes is a hero. peter who? peter hughes. so, please curse out the next person who says that these oilys are heros, and explain gently in mono-syllabic words why thropie is just very good at what he does but not a hero because of it. *apologies for using chauvinist language ref hero. but with the thropedo it would just confuse me more. ----- Morning Walk to Uni in the Fog Song No Feelings by Sex Pistols "I see you stupid people / out looking for delight / well I'm so happy / I'm feeling so fine / I'm watching all the rubbish / you're wasting my time"

faadoogles I say, faadoggles

There is something surreal about stumbling into the supermarket minutes after they open, soundtracked to bad 80s music. Its like one of those times when one has van winkled ones life and awakes to find everyone gone. It is rather unnerving. The good thing is that Druids opens at 6ish so I have somewhere to score my morning brew. Hmm… caffeine. i should get back to work. i have managed, with little effort, to write almost nothing today, the almost being 74 words. But I did spend much time thinking about the fact that I have not done much. And I spent much time talking to various people about various things. And i know very definitely in which manner 'however' can be used. Thats all work. --- Song of the day: What I Am by Edie Brickell and The New Bohemians “I'm not aware of too many things / I know what I know if you know what I mean” Word of the day: hungelicious - when food tastes delicious but mainly because one is hungry.

the evils of kite-flying

as a young researcher and hopefully more in the future, its a strange world where you have to navigate blind and learn as you go along. there is no degree or course you can take to learn the ins and outs of academia. its pretty much pick it up as you go. which just makes the need for a good collegial atmosphere of nurturing senior academics, people who are willing to share to their knowledge and experience, vital. i have been lucky to have meet a few of these especially in the recent months. but recently i have meet the other side as well. i have been accused of kite-flying, not having an argument or thesis, of being unable to hold my own scholarly profile, and so on. and thats fine. we are all entitled to our views and i am open to criticisms. what i cannot accept and will not entertain is arrogance and personal attacks. i do not appreciate being talked down to, in a condescending tone by anyone. ever. a part of me says ‘its on mofos’ but the part that says ‘whatever dude’ usually wins. i am more than willing to debate our points but when it gets personal, i get feral. and there is no coming back from the feral. i am not willing to debase myself for this one disagreeable nugget. on another note this made me laugh yesterday: “Of course, to start with, there was no such thing as cultural studies. What there was, was literary studies, which had no theoretical content and in which one was judged by how vigorously one vibrated when brought into close proximity to a classic text.” – Graeme Turner ----- Song of the day: Perfect by Fairground Attraction "It's got to be perfect / It's got to be worth it / yeah / Too many people take second best / But I won't take anything less / It's got to be / yeah / pertect "

styles elemental

We just had a bit of a debate here in the postgrad room about the use of the word ‘however’. It seems that there are two camps in this debate; one that allows the use of however to start a sentence (as in “however, given that blah, we can blah blah.’) and the other which does not accepts its use in such a manner and only as a conjunction (as in “we can blah, however, given that blah blah.).

Conventionally, a subordinating conjunction indicates the dependant clause and demonstrates the relationship between the independent and dependant clauses. HOWEVER, I think that using a subordinating conjunction at the beginning of a sentence is fine as the dependant clause seems less like an afterthought or simply a qualifier of the independent clause. It also allows for a better flow into, and, more obvious connection to, the subsequent sentence. A careful and economical use of subordinating conjunctions to begin sentences can serve as a forceful way to express one’s argument.

For example - “However, given that this is that, we can position that as this.” - the emphasis in this sentence is on the “that as this” and it is the point that the reader leaves with and can also link easily with the next sentence, which would explain the why “that as this”.

These are some of the other suggestions to replace ‘however’ - conversely, alternatively, on the other hand, important to note, notably, indeed, in as so much.

--------------

Word of the day:
“palimpsest” - this actually means a parchment that can be erased and written on again. The previous text might still be visible.

Sentence of the day:
“A dash is a mark of separation stronger than a comma, less formal than a colon, and more relaxed than parentheses.” Strunk and White 2000, The Elements of Style

i am blogging this

Ah dear hammy [but the rest of you can read this too – I am just that generous]

As you say, maybe I should take more of an interest in Australia. I guess more as in beyond the rugby and dingoes.

Lets talk of telstra. I believe that utilities, infrastructure, education and health should not be privatized. So that’s that. End of telstra discussion. I think we can pat each other on the back, grow some dreads and not bathe.

Now, lets talk of the Internet. Lets define it as the world wide web and communicative technologies that use the architecture of the Internet to transmit. Now, what are the tools of the Internet? Ah that’s the crux, no? Then what of information communication technologies [ICTs]? What strange beast is that? And where the hell does digital technology fit into all this? Lets not even go into convergent technologies.

My point is this, we don’t even know what communication technologies are? This confusion is the first thing that needs to be sorted. Why? So that we can move into configuring uses that maximize. This is vital. The terms above are bandied about by everyone willy nilly and we all know that a nilly willy is just trouble waiting to happen. [“There's no stoppin' what can't be stopped, no killin' what can't be killed. “ King Willie in Predator 2] This inadvertently serves muddy and confuse. Remember Wittgenstein - it is the use of a word in language that makes its meaning [paraphrased]. We need to know what we are talking about and what their potential is.

You have fallen, it seems if I am not mistaken, in the same trap of conflating Internet and democracy. I am wary of that path. I am coming to think that we need to divide democracy and the Internet in to stages. There are a variety of markers to consider; hardware, software, humanware, infrastructure, socio-economic segments, self-expression and so on. I am still working on this.

A couple of things strike me as I talk to various people. One is the prevalence of determinist thinking. Perhaps it is the hangover from the enlightenment. The enlightenment was not all bad, just mostly. But it brought about rationalism and efficiency. And I could go on. But to say that the Internet limits democracy more than increases it or vice versa, is in my opinion, is a tad, well, not to put a too fine a point on it, silly. Determinism is, in my mind, in the same cesspit as essentialism and reductionism. It is an exercise of the intellectually lazy. Its also insulting to the human race and is racist [I think you would agree with me]. But it is attractive for seemingly providing answers easily and in consumable chunks.

The other thing is that many are still entrenched in hierarchical and structural thinking. We are perhaps used to the centralized structures of governance and society as especially traditional media. but when dealing with the Internet, we need to abandon this way of corralling our potential and look to be free. I think I have said this, perhaps not well, in my earlier post. We need to rethink our relationship with the Internet not as media form but as a space which we can reclaim and make it our place.

On another note, say it proud I have removed some of the blogs on my blogroll and put some others that i enjoy reading. knock yourself out.